


normalise

by justamemelord



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Canon Compliant, Drinking, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pre-Canon, Slow Burn, Smoking, but not angst about being queer, crime fighting power couple, hardcore handholding, i'm bored of that trope, it's all canon and not underage, sort of, this is not totally serious, totes worth the wait, will probs overlap with canon, with slight changes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2018-10-14 20:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10543932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justamemelord/pseuds/justamemelord
Summary: Ginoza meets someone called Kougami at Nittou Academy when he's studying law before he goes into the MWPSB.He'll change his perspectives and destroy his old ones.This chronicles their journey together through university and into the MWPSB.





	1. Chapter 1

As he stood before the door numbered 19, Ginoza considered his Psycho-Pass. How wondered how it would fare when he knew he was doing something that was probably not legal. But, disregarding his law degree, he pushed his thoughts aside as the door opened up. One of his flatmates had suggested going to a student gathering at someone on their course’s university flat. He often didn’t have time to be reckless, but he was easily convinced today. He felt like doing something he wouldn’t normally do, which is why he was considering the colour of his Psycho-Pass. It was too late anyway. He swept through the door with his flatmates, putting on an expression of faux-coolness and pushing up his glasses as he greeted the host of the event. “I’m Ginoza,” he stated matter-of-factly, “Thanks for the invite.”

“Nice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you from your flatmate over here,” said the guy who had opened the door, looking over at Ginoza’s friend. “I’m Kougami,” he introduced himself. He indicated for them to follow him, leading them along a narrow hallway and into an open area. Ginoza stared at the back of his head, following in his small group of friends. He was surprised that Kougami knew anything about him, since Ginoza hadn’t really heard much about him. He wondered what his flatmate had told Kougami. They were both majoring in social psychology, he hoped it wasn’t anything rude.

“Hey, Gino,” the flatmate brought him out of his thoughts. “Do you want a drink or some snacks? There’s some weird-ass retro stuff over here.” The event, as Ginoza was calling in his mind, was actually a vintage-themed party. But he was keeping it out of his mind in case his Psycho-Pass clouded because he knew there was going to be unapproved music. Even the use of vintage didn’t make much sense to him. Most of the snacks and drinks on offer he saw couldn’t have been that old because they would be out-of-date and gross.

“Yeah, sure, I’m coming,” Ginoza said as he began to inspect all the bits his flatmate was pointing out to him.

“Don’t worry, Ginoza,” he heard and turned around to see Kougami, who had slipped over. “We made these, so it’s not actually all old food. The perks of having flatmates who are into cooking for themselves, eh?” Ginoza didn’t say anything as he went back to looking at the food and drinks on the table. He was still concerned about what Kougami had been told about him, so he didn’t want to appear odd.

“What would you recommend?” Ginoza asked, looking Kougami, only now noticing that he wasn’t as tall as him. As he looked down, his glasses slipped a bit down his nose and he hastened to push them up, feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

Kougami hesitated for a second, letting a small hmm sound as he considered his options as though it were the biggest decision he’d made in years. He picked up a bowl and presented it to Ginoza, “These are pretty good, we made them.” Ginoza looked into the bowl at what appeared to be some crisps, the most vintage of all foods. He took a handful anyway, popped one into his mouth. Surprisingly tasty. He made a sound of delight, cursing himself for betraying the cool demeanour he was attempting to show off. Cringing a little at himself, he decided to back away, with his mouth still full of his salty snacks. He wandered off and find his other flatmates, who had already got their snacks and settled on a sofa.

As he walked off without any comment, he saw his flatmate turn to Kougami and promise that Ginoza wasn’t usually this quiet. He decided it was better not to listen any further. His flatmate appeared to be very close to Kougami. He wondered how close. They did the same course, he thought to himself, it is likely that they are close. He felt a little envy flare up in himself, why had she brought him to this party and paid more attention to Kougami than him. Ginoza tried to put these thoughts aside as he went to sit on the sofa. It being an old one, and this being student accommodation, it was a lot softer than he anticipated. He fell sunk further down into it than he expected, folding himself in half like a clam and throwing his snacks everywhere. That was that. The final shred of his cool demeanour gone as he struggled to pick the crisps off the floor, but being so shut up in himself that he couldn’t reach.  
He scrambled to the floor as his friends around him either grumbled over being in the crisp splash zone, or stifled small giggles. Ginoza hated it when people came to their flat and left mess everywhere. He apologised to the room, not knowing whose flat this actually was as he frantically picked up the snacks. A shadow crossed by him, and knelt down to join him, “Literally don't worry about it. They’re only crisps.” It was Kougami, looking mildly entertained. He picked up a few of the larger crisps, and then stood up to offer his other hand to Ginoza. Ginoza chose not to take his hand because he was holding too many crisps in his own. He saw Kougami drop is hand, and feeling rude asked where he should put the floor snacks without looking at him.

Kougami led him to a small kitchen around the corner, much the same as Ginoza’s shared flat. He felt embarrassed for asking where it was, he should have known. Kougami threw his few crisps away into a recycling point, and Ginoza followed suit. Kougami leant against the worktop and watched him, looking him up and down. Once Ginoza had disposed of his wasted snacks, he looked at Kougami as if asking what to do next. He indicated back towards the party, and waited for Ginoza to follow. He followed, in silence, thinking about how his Psycho-Pass was without a doubt clouded now. Perhaps he could slip off to a bathroom to check it. Just as he was about to open his mouth, Kougami interrupted him, “Hey, do you want a drink? You wandered off earlier before I had the chance to offer you one.” He looked towards Ginoza, slightly tilting up his gaze, which he wasn’t used to doing, to look him in the eye. Ginoza nodded, unsure whether it would be rude to peel his eyes away from the contact or what he should drink.

“So, I’ve heard you do law, right? Is this drink okay?” Kougami asked as held up a drink looking for confirmation from Ginoza.

“Yes,” he said. “On both accounts,” he continued when Kougami looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you planning on entering the MWPSB?”

“Yes, if I can get assigned there,” Ginoza replied noncommittally, in an effort not to appear like he was going to ruin the party through some sense of justice. Kougami didn’t look bothered, but rather impressed by Ginoza’s career plan. He handed him his drink, apologising for it being in a plastic cup. But after seeing Ginoza’s snack display, it was probably for the best. Ginoza took the cup, and looked up to thank Kougami but quickly glanced away because he didn’t want to look like he was staring.

They settled on the sofa, with Kougami throwing himself back into the centre of the conversation. At first glance, Ginoza thought Kougami appeared detached, but the more he stole glances of him sitting on the arm of the sofa, he realised that he had the gift of quick wit and used it to mercilessly tease his friends and flatmates. It was not that he was detached but instead painfully effortless. Ginoza suspected that he was one of those people who didn’t need to work hard to achieve great things, if his hair was anything to go by. That type of person usually irritated Ginoza to no end, but he couldn’t help but be enraptured by Kougami as he handled his conversation so effortlessly. The more Ginoza began to feel slowed by his drinks, the more Kougami seemed to be enlivened by his own. He tried to pay attention to what was going on around him, bopping to the unapproved music, occasionally throwing something into the many conversations going on around him. It had been a long day and he could feel his consciousness slipping away from him with a yawn, until the music was cranked up and he was jerked back into the real world.

“Tired there, buddy?” His flatmate called over to him from the music system, as he rubbed his eyes thinking that the blurred world was because of his sleepiness. She was the one responsible for the growth in sound, however, it was not so loud that it would disturb anyone outside the building. She glided over, and pulled him to his feet, as though demanding that he danced in the living room. She told him that it was an old song that had a dance to it, and he was required to do it by law. Ginoza went to protest, stating that, if anything, the law prohibited it, but shushed him and pulled him into the small mob forming. He was not familiar with the dance and was struggling to keep up with those who seemed to know it. But he realised it didn’t matter right at that moment because he felt like he was enjoying himself.

As he jumped to his right he caught sight of Kougami leaning against the wall now in front of him, smoking by an open window with two other people. He was not engaged in their conversation, but looking directly back at Ginoza. For the first time, Ginoza didn’t look away, filled with a new-found courage. He continued to stare, only tearing himself away when the music and dancers demanded he do so. Although it had only been a brief moment, he felt as though he had been caught up in Kougami more then than he had for the whole evening. He didn’t dare look back over his shoulder though, in case it would ruin the feeling he had just had. The dance drew on for the remainder of the song, but as soon as it had ended needed to sit down. He had already been tired, and the vigorous action had done nothing for him.

His flatmate came over to offer him a further drink, which he took gladly, being thirsty and worn out. The first sip he took was bitter and made him cringe, he should have guessed that she mixed drinks without a thought for taste. Nevertheless, he sipped on it gently, watching the conversations happen around him, as he became even more sluggish. He began to wonder where Kougami had gone, he did not see him leave from his spot by the window earlier. Not that it mattered, this was not his own flat, and Kougami was his own person, at least as much as the Sibyl System would allow. Ginoza could feel himself starting to overthink and decided to go in search of a bathroom to calm down. Perhaps even do a check on his hue, like he had planned earlier. He asked his flatmate, who was still sitting next to him, where it was and she pointed him back down the hallway they had come in through. Just like in their own flat, obviously, he thought to himself.

As he lifted himself up, he felt a head rush and the room began to spin. He took a second to breathe, but the room didn’t stop moving around him. He had been reckless and drank the whole drink he was given. It was not as though he hadn’t planned to drink a little, but he was completely unstable at this point. Both on his feet and in his mind. He stumbled through the group of people, turning around to apologise as he went, which meant that he hit the door frame which led into the hallway. He reproached himself for making an even greater fool of himself. There were a couple of stragglers in the hallway, including Kougami, leaning against a doorframe, which was likely to his room. He glanced across from the doorway as if he was going to say something to him, but Ginoza shied away from his inquisitive look and made his way to the bathroom as quickly as possible.

Once the door was safely locked behind him, shutting out the world and Kougami’s look of confusion, Ginoza slid down with his back to it. For a second he tried to collect himself together, and then reached the tablet device he could use to measure his hue. He stared at the device, but he couldn’t focus properly. Suddenly he felt a burn rising in his throat and crawled across the bathroom floor, the pathetic creature that he was, towards the toilet. He heaved for a second than then violently vomited into the toilet. Drinking was a mistake, coming here was a mistake. His eyes blurred with tears as he recoiled at himself. What if the Sibyl System caught on to him now. His hue was definitely clouded, it couldn’t not be. What if he had thrown away all he had worked for, for the sake of losing control one night. He dry heaved some more, not from drinking this time, but rather from his own thoughts.

“Um,” he heard a knock on the door. “I can hear you in there, I’ve brought you some water.”


	2. Chapter 2

There was another knock, louder this time, “Could you let me know that you’re okay?”  Ginoza did nothing.  Another knock.  “You don’t have to come out… Just confirm you’re still alive, please.”  It was Kougami’s voice.  But Ginoza was not yet ready to face Kougami right then, so he said nothing.

“Please could you speak to me?” Kougami persisted, and Ginoza realised that he wasn’t going to go away until he had let him know that he was okay.  He stood himself up and stumbled to the bathroom door, no less capable, but marginally less sick.  The lock on the door was a little difficult for his tired and wasted hands, but he jiggled it open and cracked open the door to peek out at Kougami.  Although he was taller than Kougami and looking down at him, Ginoza felt extremely small.  He had come into Kougami’s flat, to the party, and made a fool of himself.  He didn’t dare look Kougami in the eye.

“Do you want to come out?  We can sit outside?” Kougami asked, then realised he shouldn’t have asked two questions at once.  Ginoza didn’t say anything, but leant down to pick up his tablet device, which he had left on the floor.  Then he walked away to the sink where he rinsed his mouth.  Kougami didn’t say anything either, but waited for him patiently.  Ginoza presented himself back to Kougami, forcing himself to look at him, trying to keep a straight face.  Just like before in the kitchen, he said nothing and waited as if for instruction. 

“Come,” Kougami said, quietly, like Ginoza was a deer who would be scared off at any moment.  Ginoza led the way out of the bathroom and into the hallway, then allowed Kougami to take the lead to the front door.  They exited into the night, which although it had been mild in the day, caused Ginoza to shudder.  Kougami was the first to sit, dropping down onto the porch step, and Ginoza followed.  He watched as Kougami fiddled in his pockets for a second before producing a crushed packet of cigarettes from one and a lighter from the other.  The cigarette he pulled out was misshapen and a bent in on itself a little.  But Kougami wasn’t fazed, simply straightening it out and going lighting it.  Ginoza listened to the flick of the lighter and the sizzle of it beginning to burn.

Kougami took a long drag, then exhaled saying, “It looked a bit rubbish, but it’s doing the job.”  He looked over at Ginoza, who swiftly looked away, hanging his head.

“What, doing the job of killing you?” Ginoza mumbled bitterly, looking up a little through his long grown out hair.  It hadn’t been cut in a long time and got in his eyes, but he liked it that way. 

Cocking his head to the side, Kougami looked towards Ginoza, letting an incredulous smirk pull his mouth up on one side.  He took another drag, turning to blow the smoke away in the other direction.  Then, after a pause, “So, what’s up?”  Ginoza didn’t reply, so he continued, “It’s okay.  You don’t have to talk about it, I just thought you might have wanted to…”  He trailed off.  Ginoza was unsure of what he should do.  He hadn’t expected Kougami to be like this.  They had just met, and yet he wanted to speak to him despite Ginoza having thrown up in his bathroom.  He didn’t look like he should be trying to console someone, well that’s what Ginoza thought.  But then he remembered that the reason he was here with Kougami was because his flatmate was on the same course as him, psychology.  Was he trying to analyse him?  Had he realised that there was something wrong with his Psycho-Pass?  Was this all just a training experience for Kougami?

Lost in his thoughts, he was visibly becoming more anxious, and Kougami noticed.  Ginoza felt an arm around his shoulder and stiffened up.  It was Kougami, he had flicked his cigarette away on to the ground, overcome by the need to comfort Ginoza.

He pulled his arm away, and began to backtrack, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”  He thought back to his training and being told that you should never touch a patient without their permission.  And really it wasn’t fair to touch anyone without their permission anyway.  To his surprise, Ginoza leant into the shoulder he had offered, and Kougami placed his arm where it had been.  Ginoza was overcome by the expression of care from someone he had known so briefly and casually.  The tears, which he had been holding back since Kougami extracted him from the bathroom, began to trickle hotly down his cheeks.  Unable to express himself, he continued to let the tears drip. Kougami noticed and began to rub Ginoza’s left shoulder, encompassed in his own arm.

When Ginoza had pulled himself together a little, he lifted himself from Kougami’s now dampened shoulder.  He took his glasses off, wiping them off on the hem of his shirt, and then wiping his eyes with the sleeve.  As he went to put his glasses back on, he noticed Kougami’s fingertips coming towards his face.  They hesitated, but Ginoza met his eyes and the fingertips gently pulled his hair away from his face so he could put his glasses on easily.  As they moved away, it almost felt as though they were caressing his cheek.  But Ginoza put that out of his mind when Kougami interrupted with, “You have vomit in your hair.”  This broke the moment, and the tension.  The half-smirk danced on Kougami’s lips once again, and Ginoza couldn’t help but be taken in by it.  It compelled him to open up, such a dirty trick.  But he fell for it.

At first Ginoza hesitated, unsure how much to tell Kougami, explaining that he’d been under a lot of pressure recently thinking about his training for the MWPSB.  As he had done earlier, Kougami appeared impressed, asking him what made him want to join the MWPSB.  Ginoza merely said, “I want to see my father more, he’s been assigned to the MWPSB.”  This excited Kougami’s interest, which surprised Ginoza, who thought that he looked like he wouldn't be interested in something so institutional.

“Do you not live with him at home?” Kougami asked casually, not thinking it would be an inflammatory question.

“No,” Ginoza replied curtly, pausing, uncertain whether he should carry on. “He lives there.” It was plain to Ginoza as it dawned on Kougami what he meant.  His father wasn’t an Inspector at the MWPSB, he was one of their enforcers.  He felt the familiar drop in his stomach that he always got when he told someone his father was a latent criminal.  Often, it was difficult to know how people would react.  At school this had been a problem for him when the Sibyl System decommissioned him from his Inspector role.  He tried not to let it get to him, but there was only so much he could weather as a teenager.  But right now he was worried, he usually didn’t tell people about his father, and he had told someone he’d met that day.  However, Kougami remained unfazed, much to Ginoza’s own appreciation.  When it looked like he was going to say something, Ginoza cut in, “Earlier, I panicked because I felt like I’d made a total fool of myself in front of everyone and I was worried my Psycho-Pass would get clouded.”  He looked at Kougami, and Kougami looked right back at him, expectantly, seeing that he’d got him talking.

Taking the cue to continue, Ginoza began to tell him how he constantly lived in fear of his Psycho-Pass becoming clouded, or his Crime Co-efficient rising.  He desperately wanted to see his father more, so ever since high school he had wanted to go into the MWPSB.  This didn’t stop him feeling betrayed by his father though.  After his transfer to Enforcer rank, Ginoza had adopted his mother’s last name to create a distance between himself and his father.  He didn’t want to be reminded every day by his own name of what he had lost.  The Sibyl System had done so much to reduce rates of crime, and he wanted to be part of it, just so his father could gain a sliver of hope in the world he had almost abandoned.  In the past, the state of Ginoza’s Psycho-Pass had varied, but more recently it had begun to settle down back into its original rhythm.  But the fluctuations were more than he liked to admit, so he had to be careful.

All the while Ginoza was relaying this, he could see Kougami listening and taking the information in, as though analysing and storing it.  It was a little unsettling, but his nods and sounds of affirmation made it a lot easier for Ginoza to express everything he had been holding in.  This is what it must be like speaking to a psychology major, he thought to himself.  However, none of his other friends who did psychology had been able to draw him out of himself.

“That’s so admirable,” Kougami pulled him out of his thoughts once more, keeping him grounded.  Ginoza had been trying to avoid looking him in the eye as he spoke, cringing at himself and his vomity hair.  Although, he was much calmer now, back to his usual self.  The look on Kougami’s face displayed a genuine admiration.  Not the pity or awkward ignorance of what to say that he often saw on people’s faces after hearing about his father and his own Psycho-Pass issues.  He wondered what department Kougami hoped to go into at the end of his time at Nittou Academy.  When Ginoza didn’t say anything, Kougami continued, “I’m so impressed that you’ve come this far.” 

“It’s not that bad!” Ginoza replied, reddened, feeling uncomfortable with the praise.  A stifled snicker, although not a mean one, came from Kougami’s direction who had clearly caught on to Ginoza’s embarrassment.  In return, Ginoza shot him a glare, to which Kougami replied by standing up.  He brushed himself off, though there was no dust around, and offered a hand to Ginoza.  This time he did not refuse his hand and allowed himself to be pulled up to full height opposite Kougami.  He looked him in the eye, and quietly mumbled, “Thanks for not being weird about this.”

Kougami shrugged his shoulders, showing him it was no problem, and indicating to the door, “We should go back.  I don’t trust them all in there.”  He flashed the half-smirk again, and entered the flat.  Ginoza didn’t really want to go back to the people and the talking, he wanted to save this moment.  As he stepped into the door, he caught his toe on the threshold, still feeling the effects of his drinks earlier.  He fell into Kougami’s back in the hallway, knocking him forward and burying his own face in the place between his shoulder blades.  Despite being taller than him, Ginoza didn’t knock Kougami down, he was a lot more strongly built than him.  For the brief second, as they stumbled forwards, Ginoza gained the scent of Kougami’s washing powder, mixed with the smell of cigarettes.  He was sure he recognised it from somewhere.

“You go sit down, and I’ll get you more water,” Kougami said as Ginoza became aware of what he had just done.  Again, he began to feel his face redden, but Kougami didn’t look fazed.  He merely gave him his half-smirk and wandered off to the kitchen, speaking to the group as he went.  Ginoza followed him with his eyes until he was out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls tell me about typos
> 
> also am going to go back and give gino's flatmate her name because i forgot oops  
> it's Isui??? i don't know anything about japanese names???


	3. Chapter 3

By the time Ginoza and his flatmates were ready to leave it was the early morning. Luckily, he had spent the rest of the night sipping on water, preparing himself for the journey home. However, this was not the case for many of his flatmates. So, it looked like he would be the one guiding the mob home, trying to avoid any of the Sibyl System sensors on the way. As everyone was saying their goodbyes, Kougami slipped over to Ginoza and asked him if he would be fine escorting his friends home. They both looked at the bumbling mess trying to gather their things and put on coats.

“Yes, I think I’ll be fine,” Ginoza sighed, disappointed that he had been reinstated as the mom friend in his group, despite his wobble earlier.

“This is my ID number,” Kougami said, thrusting a bit of paper towards Ginoza, looking flustered. He cleared his throat, “In case something happens with this group of idiots.” Immediately he had regained his cool, which disheartened Ginoza. This was the first time he had received someone’s number at a party. And although he was happy, his heart tugged a little that it was only because of his official duty as friend caretaker.

“Analogue,” he said as he took the piece of paper, something which he felt as though he hadn’t done in years. I bet he reads paper books too, he thought to himself. The tiny slip of paper fitted neatly in his pocket, tucked away safely in case of emergency. “We’d better get going,” Ginoza said, tearing himself away from Kougami and ushering his mob out of the door. Once they were all out, he turned back to thank Kougami with a wave, who was leaning against the doorframe, like he had spent the whole night doing.

The walk back to their flat wasn’t long, nor difficult, but to Ginoza it felt like he was babysitting four toddlers who wouldn’t keep quiet. He was wary of the fact that if they disturbed anyone, especially as this hour, they would be in a lot of trouble. Isui was particularly unsteady on her feet, but they all made it back to the flat in peace. Once they were inside, Ginoza made sure they all had water and ushered them off to go to bed. As he was walking back to his own room, she popped her head out of her door, catching him unaware, “So, I see you hit it off with Kougami? Where did you guys slip off to?” She winked and looked at him expectantly.

“Nothing,” was the answer Ginoza gave, which didn’t answer either question and he had no intention of sticking around to discuss. He just walked a little faster to his room, without even looking back. Hopefully she wouldn’t remember their exchange tomorrow. Once in the room, he locked the door and threw himself on to the bed. What was even she even implying about him and Kougami? He definitely wouldn’t be interested in me, Ginoza thought to himself. As he peeled off his clothes, ready to get into bed, he saw the piece of paper with Kougami’s ID number poking out. What did he mean by giving it to him? It was only to make sure that everyone got home fine, obviously. Ginoza picked it up and looked at it, thinking that perhaps he should message him to let him know that they had all made it home in one piece. Or would that be wrong? After all, he had said it was for if there was a problem with the group of idiots. But, the flustered look on Kougami’s face as he’d offered up the number had suggested some ulterior motive, perhaps. However, it was clear to Ginoza now that he had been overthinking. He decided to message Kougami anyway, just to let him know everything was fine. Nothing more, nothing less.

With the message sent, Ginoza placed the tablet device on his bedside table and rolled over, determined not to await an answer. It’s not like there was anything that Kougami would need to say to him anyway, it was more of a courtesy thing. Despite thinking this, he could feel himself straining to hear the vibration of the device on the night stand. It was the early hours of the morning, Kougami was likely asleep anyway, he tried to reason with himself. Just as he was drifting off to sleep, aware of what he needed to do tomorrow, he heard the buzz of his device on the side. He decided not to answer it, but easily fell into a deep sleep, knowing that he received his reply.

 

In the morning, he woke up feeling a little groggy, but nothing compared with how his friends would be feeling. He snuggled down into his bed, relishing the little time he had before he had to start the day. He thought he had better check the time, because he had no real idea when it was. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he scrambled for his device on the side, knocking his glasses on the floor. It took a second for him to focus on the screen, searching for the time which was being obscured by some notifications. When his eyes and mind had become adjusted to being awake, he realised what the notifications were. There were two messaged from Kougami. The first from soon after he sent his own message saying, “Good. Glad to hear.” The second said, “It was nice to meet you, Ginoza.” But this was received fifteen minutes after the other. Ginoza thought to himself that this was odd. Something inside him was compelling him to reply, but he didn’t know what to say.

For a short while he pondered what to say, but in the end, he settled on a rather non-committal, “You too, thank you for being so kind when I was being a mess.” When it was sent, he pulled the covers over his head and cast his mind back to the night before. Kougami had been so calm and unjudgemental towards him, even though he had vomit in his hair the whole time. It was pretty obvious why he was specialising in psychology, even though he had only been speaking to Ginoza so casually. Truly, Ginoza felt a pang of jealously at how well Kougami could deal with other people, and read a situation.

His device buzzed, causing him to jump as excitement shot through his veins. It was lost in the covers, but he found it and immediately unlocked it. A message from Kougami read, “It’s okay, you can speak to me any time.” Ginoza’s heart jumped, staring at the screen fondly. Too many thoughts were rushing through his head to know what to say in reply. No one had ever openly offered themselves up to him before as a person to speak to. Overcome by emotion, he bit his lip as he felt a small, uncommon smile spread itself across his face. This was too much excitement for so little sleep, so he decided to get up and wash the vomit out of his hair, hoping that would help him regain his thoughts.

After he had showered and dressed, he sat down on the sofa in the flat’s communal space looking at the news. At some point that day, he needed to go and buy some food and revise for his exam, which was looming. When he had finished eating a queasy breakfast, he began to rifle through the cupboards in the kitchen, making a list as he went. He didn’t notice Isui coming up behind him until the glass she was using for water clinked against the tap. Ginoza tried not to pay her any attention, but she wouldn’t have it.

“So,” she started up, “Did you have fun last night, despite your moral disinclinations?” She leant against the worktop, waiting for Ginoza to acknowledge her. He sighed to himself, done with her sanctimonious attitude. It was too early on a Sunday morning, and she still ought to be in bed nursing a hangover. Without having said anything, Ginoza turned around to leave, but Isui was still there waiting for his answer.

“It was alright,” he offered, attempting to make it clear that this was not a conversation he was ready to have now or ever. He wasn’t really sure why he didn’t want to speak about the previous night. Throwing snacks on the floor wasn’t really a big deal. It wasn’t the only time that he had dropped snacks in his life. But recounting the night in his head felt mortifying when he thought about what all the others would have seen. He’d spent a good portion of the night with vomit chunks acting as a new accessory to his hair. Although, saying that, he did sober up and managed to escort his flatmates home without a problem, so it could have been a lot worse. In reality, he had quite enjoyed himself last night, despite the minor hiccups. Still, he wasn’t interested in sharing his account with Isui. It felt private to him, and he didn’t want to share his moments with Kougami with anyone else.

However, in Isui’s mind, this was not over. She continued trying to coax information out of Ginoza as he shimmied past her out of the kitchen area, “Where were you for most of the night, Gino?” This stopped Ginoza right in his tracks. People often didn’t use nicknames for him, it made him a little uncomfortable. Isui was clearly trying to throw him off, pushing every button she could. It was unclear whether her intentions were from concern about his disappearance or that she was thirsty to live vicariously through someone else’s drama. Either way, there was no chance of escape. Once Isui had decided on something, results would be imminently produced. The best plan, Ginoza decided, was to address this now, when he had somewhere to be so it could only last a short time.

“Well, I was sick,” he began, thinking that his explanation was good enough. The look on Isui’s face suggested otherwise. “Then I spent some time speaking with Kougami,” he muttered as though relinquishing his most cherished secret to the mass media, hoping she wouldn’t hear. Or at least get the cue not to follow the statement up. He heard her inhale as if she were going to ask another question but he quickly cut her off, stating that he must go shopping. Wandering off quickly, he didn’t dare to look back at Isui’s, no doubt, inquisitive face.

Upon reaching his room, it occurred to him that he actually made the shopping list, even mentally. But he couldn't back out of going shopping now because he’d made a point of it. So, he grabbed all his things, dumping some work-related items out of a bag, and hurried towards the front door of the flat, specifically avoiding anyone who could possibly be around. The journey to the supermarket wasn’t far and the weather was fairly pleasant for the time of year. However, the heat wasn’t doing anything for the acute hangover he was feeling in his head. He made a mental note to buy some painkillers. Now that he was outside of the flat and exposed to anonymity, he allowed himself to properly cast his mind back to the previous night. Not everything was clear, he couldn't remember lots of specific moments, but rather a feel of the night. A warm twinge of feeling made him a little jumpy inside, but not in a bad way. He allowed himself to bask in it freely, seeing as no one else would know. It’s not that he wanted to appear cold and without feeling, but he knew that in the future he would have to maintain a cool attitude, if he wanted to enter the MWPSB. One much like that of Kougami.

At the thought of Kougami, Ginoza felt a small tug of envy both of Kougami’s manner, and the way that Isui would get to see him more often. As he sauntered through the doors of the supermarket, something which was becoming more and more obsolete these days, he considered what he had just thought to himself. Being envious of Isui for seeing Kougami more than him suggested that Ginoza wanted to see him again. He paused to pick up a basket. Perhaps he did want to see him again. But, he reasoned with himself, it wasn’t likely that Kougami would want to see him again after the state he was in, no matter how well he had covered it. He decided not to think about it further, he didn’t want to get his hopes up to be let down.

Making his way along the aisles, picking up food almost arbitrarily, Ginoza felt a little bored with the tasks of his student life. There were so many ways the world was advancing, but because he was a student and lived in an old flat, he wasn’t getting the experience yet. He’d seen adverts for houses governed by a central system which could change their appearance and prepare meals. Perhaps when he was in the MWPSB he could afford to live in somewhere so fancy. But for now, he had to deal with his daily needs manually. What a bore, he really wasn't interested in old things. It was a wonder Isui even convinced him to go to that party or event or whatever it was last night. Thinking about it, he bet that Kougami was, considering that it was at his flat. And that he had given him his ID number on a bit of paper. Instinctively, Ginoza went to feel in his pocket for the tiny slip, but was sorely disappointed when he realised he wasn’t wearing the same jeans as last night. As a result, he was further disappointed, this time rather at himself because he was growing attached to a darn piece of paper.

By this time, he had nearly done a circuit of the aisles, and the only one left was the homewares and cleaning products aisle. He didn’t need anything from this one, but he would rather peruse even bleach than go back to the flat and Isui’s questioning eyes. Midway down the aisle in question he caught sight of the washing power and fabric softener. He knew he could buy himself some time by sampling the scents, so wandered nonchalantly over. The first one he picked up was a bright orange, boasting a summery smell, which, in fact, just smelt like sugar. The next was pastel blue and cotton scented, which also didn't make much sense, but it wasn't as gross as the previous one. He picked up another and after smelling it briefly, it reminded him of the way Kougami’s shirt had smelt when he fell into the night before. It wasn’t quite the same though, but it was pleasant. Perhaps if he sniffed a few more, then he might find the one Kougami had. He reasoned with himself that it was because it had been a nice smell, but not too overpowering.

“Excuse me,” Ginoza turned around to see an older woman trying to get to the fabric softeners, giving him a quizzical look. Then he realised he had been standing there for a solid few minutes just diligently sniffing what all the shelves had to offer. Feeling embarrassed, Ginoza put the top back on the bottle he was currently holding, mumbled an apology and swiftly headed for the checkout. He questioned himself about how long he had been standing there. It was probably too long by far. And now he had a fabric softener that he definitely didn’t need. But he couldn't face taking it back and leaving empty-handed, for fear of looking odd. Quickly he shot through the self-checkout, jamming his shopping into his bag, including the fabric softener. As soon as he could he exited the shop onto the street, beginning his walk home, feeling something weighing him down, which could either be fabric softener or embarrassment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol @ gino and his fabric softener (the saga will continue)  
> sorry for not updating, i've been busy with uni work
> 
> any typos etc pls let me know <3


	4. Chapter 4

“How is studying going?” a voice carried through Ginoza’s deep concentration.  It was Isui’s.  With a deep sigh, he turned around to face her, pulling himself away from the many things he needed to be remembering for his final exams.  This would make up a great part of how suitable he would be for the MWPSB, and he really didn’t have the time for Isui’s chit-chat.  Before he had the chance to open his mouth, she continued, “I’m going to go get some cake and coffee because I’m bored of working, would you like to come?”  She didn't seem all that enthusiastic about him joining her, nor did he feel that enthusiastic.  But a small respite from thinking about law could do him some good, clear his thoughts.  Lately they had been a little foggy.

“That sounds fine to me,” Ginoza replied, picking up his belongings swiftly and walking past Isui standing by his door.  Before going outside, he threw his jacket on, which he had recently washed after the party vomiting incident from a couple of weeks ago.  He hadn’t worn the jacket for a while, and only realised a few days ago it had just a splash of vomit on it.  There was a small inhale from behind, and he heard, “Hm, is that a new washing powder?  Smells nice.”  Internally, Ginoza cringed, and chose not to reply to Isui’s question.

It was fairly late in the evening and the sun was slowly declining towards the horizon, and no doubt would be gone by the time that they headed back to the flat.  As they entered, a gust of wind pushed the door shut, emitting a loud bang.  The baristas looked disappointed, most likely having heard that numerous times in blustery weather.  A multitude of the other customers, who, like them, looked as if they had come for a study break, turned around to glare at them for letting in the cold wind.  Among them was Kougami, sitting by himself in a booth holding a paperback, which he was now neglecting instead to eye up the disturbers of the peace.  Ginoza had to wonder why he was reading a paperback book, he must know they were bad for the environment.  Also, nothing new had been published like that in years, it had to be at least twenty years old.  He gave a small nod, acknowledging the two of them as they walked towards the ordering counter.  But Ginoza didn’t know what to do so looked away, pretending to consult the menu.

The two of them ordered, with Isui opting for a coffee and cake as she had set out earlier in her plans.  However, it wasn’t until this point that she revealed that had planned to meet Kougami here to go over some notes he had shared with her.  “I thought you might have wanted to come because you’re super busy…  Plus, you seemed in a good mood last time you spoke to Kougami,” she stated matter-of-factly.

It was true that Ginoza had enjoyed a couple of days the good mood, after meeting Kougami.  However, he had agonised for too long about how he could reply to his message, and left it for too long.  At this point it would be far too awkward to explain why he hadn’t replied.  How could he explain that he got too caught up in what he should do, rather than doing anything?  It’s not like Kougami had tried to contact him further anyway, so maybe he wasn’t interested in speaking to Ginoza after all.  But now he was faced with the reality of Kougami himself, sitting there quietly enjoying his book as if nothing had happened.  In a quiet corner of his mind, Ginoza was disappointed that Kougami hadn’t messaged him again.  But, for the most part he was now panicking about what to do.  He didn’t want to seem rude.

“Are you coming?” Isui had grabbed her order and his, a tea, on a tray and was turning towards the table where Kougami was sitting.  There was no way out of this, Ginoza would have to deal with what he had done.  Mulling it over on the longest walk from a counter to a table he had ever taken, he cursed himself.  Isui sat down opposite Kougami, and Ginoza slid in beside her, forcing himself not to look down.  Kougami looked over at him and greeted him, nonplussed, with a small smile.  Isui noticed this, and gave a short Ginoza a look, but quickly returned her attention to Kougami.  She began to fiddle about getting up the parts of the notes she wanted to ask about.

There wasn’t much opportunity for Ginoza to get involved in the conversation about psychology, so he stirred his tea to cool it down.  Since he was always interested in knowing new things, although he didn't show it, he idly listened to their conversation.  Ginoza didn't know a great deal about psychology, but from what he was hearing Kougami had the knack for reasoning.  He carefully explained to Isui the thought processes which brought him to his answers.  A pang of envy hit Ginoza, though he was unsure whether it was for Kougami’s skill or for Isui who was getting his full attention.  He reasoned with himself, as he was doing more and more often, that it was only because he wasn’t getting to participate more in the conversation.

“Hey, Gino, can I get out?” the dreaded words came from Isui.  She’d dropped some cake on her shirt and wanted to try to get it out.  Reluctantly, he slid out, allowing her to slip off to the bathroom, muttering to herself about the evils of red velvet cake.  Now, Ginoza was sad to see the back of her, because it meant that he had to try to carry conversation with someone he’d accidentally ghosted.  Quickly he was scanning through his mind, trying to come up with something to fill the gap–

“You know, I hadn’t taken you as someone who went in for nicknames,” effortlessly Kougami picked up a conversation, shifting in his seat to angle himself towards Ginoza.

“She does it because she knows it irritates me,” Ginoza uttered, a little too coolly, looking in the direction Isui had gone.  Silently he cursed her for showing him up in front of Kougami.  Hopefully he wouldn’t think that he was some uptight asshat.  But if he did then it was probably because Ginoza could often be an uptight asshat and nothing to do with Isui.  She only brought it out.

When he looked away from the bathroom, fearing that he would appear odd for staring at the door, he decided to ask about Kougami’s book.  “So, I saw you had a book as we came in.  What are you reading?  I haven’t seen a paper book in years,” came his carefully constructed way of manoeuvring conversation away from his distaste for nicknames.  It had taken all he had not to mention the environmental issues surrounding the use of paperbacks.

“It’s an old foreign language book about a whale and a sea captain, I haven’t got very far yet.  There’s a place that sells antiques and stuff, but it has a section of old books and I just picked it up,” Kougami shrugged like it was nothing out of the ordinary for someone his age to be hanging around in antique shops.  However, casting his mind back to the party’s theme, Ginoza could definitely see a correlation. 

There was a pause, and then Ginoza remembered that he had started this conversation and that now he must carry it through.  Where was Isui when he needed here and skill for small talk?  He continued, “So, do you like sea life?”

Kougami’s mouth twitched into small smirk, which was rather endearing until Ginoza realised it was as a result of what he’d said.  Internally he died a bit, not sure what he’d done wrong.  Here he was trying his hardest to be cool and relatable.  And miserably failing.

“I mean,” Kougami cut through his thoughts, “I don’t think marine life is the point of the story.  But I guess I’ll find out.”  He paused to look at Ginoza, clearly trying to loosen him up, “However, outside of this particular story, I do like sea life.  Have you seen _Blue Planet?_ It’s an old documentary, but it hasn’t aged _too_ badly.”  There was a visible spark of enthusiasm in his eyes as he spoke of yet another old thing.  Ginoza wondered if he knew what decade he was living in.  Despite this, he was glad that Kougami was mostly carrying their conversation.

As he felt himself settling into the comfortable rhythm of listening to Kougami recommending this old documentary about the sea, he heard Isui coming back.  He knew it was time for him to move out of the way to let her in, and so be torn from this conversation.  Once she had replaced herself opposite Kougami she stated that she wanted to get away soon because she had failed in her mission to clean up the cake and couldn’t bear the sight of her own failure for much longer. 

Ginoza looked on over his cup of tea, which was no longer steaming up his glasses, at the other two finishing up with their work.  It was difficult not to admire the seemingly effortless nature that Kougami upheld, even though it couldn’t be true.  He obviously must work hard because Ginoza knew well how smart Isui was and how naturally things came to her, so he must be on another level.

With their work done, Ginoza could feel Isui ushering him out of his seat in the booth and in the direction of the door.  Kougami also slid out of his side of the booth to stand up and follow them to the outside world.  It was much darker now and the wind was still blowing.  They walked along in the same direction for a while, giving Ginoza the chance to admire the way that the strong breeze was ruffling Kougami’s hair.  Well, at least what he was able to see through his own mop of hair, which he still hadn’t dealt with.  It had been maybe six month since he had had it cut.  Quite often he would let it grow through laziness, it covering his face was only a bonus.

At a branch in the road Isui hugged Kougami thanking him for his time and promising to make it up to him in any way she could.  Once she released him and had said her goodbye, he turned to Ginoza who had stayed a step or so back.  In a moment of situational panic Ginoza gave him a small wave, though he was only a couple of feet away, muttering his goodbye.  As a reply Kougami gave him a grin and went to walking in the opposite direction.  Then he whipped around, speaking with purpose, looking Ginoza right in the eye, “I’ll let you know if I find out anything about whales.”  And with that he was wandering off into the darkness lighting up a cigarette.

Heat spread to the tips of Ginoza’s ears as he remembered what he had said about Kougami’s book earlier when Isui wasn’t there to supervise him.  She had begun to walk in the direction of their flat, calling after her asking if he was coming.  Quickly he tried to calm himself down so she wouldn't see the redness that had spread over him.

“You know,” she quipped once Ginoza had fallen into step with him, “I think Kougami likes you.”  He wasn’t really sure how he should be taking this or what indeed she meant by it.  As he went to look at her he noticed that she was already looking at him.

She continued, “Usually it takes him a little time to warm up to people.”  Ginoza raised a brow at this, “It’s not like he’s inept with people, like _some_ people, but he can be a little harsh and won’t, I don’t know, let people in.  But I saw him earlier rambling on to you about god knows what.  And was that some kind of inside joke I heard as he left?”  He wasn’t sure what he should reply.  Then he heard her take a breath and keep going once more, “Also, you never told me where you too were at that party we were at the other week?  I know I asked at some point.”  And there it was, that expectant, prying look that Ginoza had seen trained on him before concerning the same subject.

With a sigh, he decided that it was time to tell her about what happened at the party to stop her mind from wandering down the path it had already started along.  There was nothing that he would rather keep hidden but he just felt a little embarrassed over the whole throwing up in his hair situation.  “Well, to cut a long story short: I vomited in my own hair and told Kougami about the problems with my Psycho-Pass,” he stated curtly.  Isui was aware of the situation with his father and the fluctuations Ginoza often experienced with his Psycho-Pass.  The look of prying he’d been on the receiving end of had now softened into something a little like pride.  When she wanted to be, Isui could be so soft and caring, much like Kougami had been on the night of that party.  Perhaps it was a psychology student thing.

They continued on their walk home in comfortable silence until they were safely in the flat.  Just as they were about to part ways, with Isui standing in the kitchen area and Ginoza heading to his room she casually said, “You should speak to him more…  Ask him if he got home alright.”  So she wasn’t totally soft, Ginoza noted, hearing the challenge in her voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise bet you thought you'd seen the last of me
> 
> it's been a long time, but i'm off uni for a while so i might update a bit more
> 
> anyway - lmk if typos etc


	5. Chapter 5

The click of the delete button melded into one long sound as Ginoza cleared the message he had written for at least the third time. As he retyped a line of text he promised to himself that this was the last one, the final attempt. Time was passing quickly, and he could not afford the worry that he was putting into this message. It wasn’t a big deal, he reassured himself, he was merely checking in on a friend who had walked home alone. But what if he seemed patronising? Kougami certainly wasn’t incapable of looking after himself, he was an adult after all.  
Finally, he managed to collect his thoughts and typed out a message: Just checking in that you made it home alright. He hesitated for a second and then concluded with: It was nice to see you again. Before he could give himself the chance to mull it over yet further, the message was sent.

With a deep exhale, he resigned himself to bed, assuming that by now it was too late for Kougami to be paying attention to any messages he might receive. It had been a long day and he knew that he had to make up the time he lost going to get coffee tomorrow. He removed his glasses and set them down on the bedside table. However, he did not place his tablet device in its usual spot next to his glasses. When he rolled away to face the wall and hide under his duvet, he kept a hold of it. Somehow, though he knew it was late, he was hoping that his message would be seen.

Hidden under the cover of the warm duvet and his heavy eyelids, Ginoza allowed himself to consider Kougami. It was not often that he dropped his barriers and allowed someone to know about him so quickly. So often he was abandoned by people, first his father who was now lost to his latent criminality, and all those who found out about it and soon drifted or actively avoided him. It hadn’t been that long since his father was demoted to an Enforcer, and at that time people were wary of him because of it. The betrayal from both sides sometimes still felt raw. 

Isui was one of the few people who he had confided in over this, and that had taken more than a year. So why had he blurted it all out to Kougami? Someone he had never met before at the time. And even now he knew next to nothing about him, other than he was way too into old things, and perhaps marine life. At that Ginoza felt a smile crinkle at the edges of his closed eyes. Kougami was simultaneously so harsh, with his hard lines and cool-headed look, yet so soft. It made for an interesting combination. The oddest part about him though, Ginoza thought, was that he seemed to enjoy talking to him. Ginoza couldn't help feeling that he was not the usual sort of person Kougami spoke to, when taking into consideration Isui and the other people at that party.

Even if that had been true, it evidently didn't matter, because at that moment a message lit up the screen. Ginoza’s stomach flipped with excitement. He should probably calm down, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

I’m home fine. There it was, though it seemed a little sharp. Perhaps Ginoza had been too forward with his own comment. His heart began to sink, knowing how stupid he had been. Although he was glad to hear that Kougami was home safe, bitterness was coursing through him. He closed his eyes and let the device and message drop away from his grasp.

As he lay there, he allowed himself to indulge in his feelings. Clearly, he had been misguided to think that Kougami actually liked him, he’d have to have a word with Isui for getting his hopes up. At that moment, he detected something illuminating from behind his eyelids. Slowly he opened his eyes, letting them adjust to the blue glow coming from his tablet. The display showed the tell-tale sign of a new message. He brought the device up to his face, unlocking it with anticipation.

The message read: Sorry, I sent that before I was finished. But, yeah, it was nice to see you too. Any bitterness that had been inside Ginoza quickly dissipated, being replaced with a guilty feeling for having no faith in Kougami.

A third message soon followed: We should do it again sometime. 

Ginoza could barely believe his eyes. Someone wanted to meet up with him more than once. That is not to say that he was unlikeable, but usually it was difficult for people to drag him away from his work, making it harder to maintain any kind of decent relationship. Kougami wanted to see him again, and for once, he didn’t have the guilty feeling that came with abandoning his work for it.

I’d like that. A simple reply, given without any hesitation. Feeling relieved, Ginoza give himself over to sleep.

-

Ginoza huffed, it was dangerously close to his final exams and the doorbell was ringing repeatedly. He knew that it wasn’t for him, he hadn’t invited anyone over, and it couldn't be Isui without her keys because he knew for a fact that she was in. The doorbell dinged again, with an eye-roll and a sigh, he pushed his chair back and made his way to the front door.

“Why am I the only person who ever opens the door?” he mused aloud as he went the grab the door handle with a sullen look. In his irritation, he yanked the door a little too forcefully, readying himself to call for someone else in the flat. Before he had the chance, with the deep inhale he was going to use to call out he caught the smell of something he remembered. He looked down, fixing his eyes on the figure in front of him. Messy, dark hair, with cigarette smoke curling towards the sky, and inquisitive eyes look up at him.

“Kougami?” Ginoza questioned, almost in a whisper, feeling heat rise to his ears. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, so he instinctively looked away from the eye-contact directed at him.

“That is me,” he replied, smirk tugging at his lips. Ginoza could feel his palms getting sweaty, embarrassed by the cold display he’d just made. “I’m here to do some group revision with Isui,” he clarified.

Ginoza knew that Isui was in the shower at that time because god forbid she actually get up when she should. Now was his chance to speak to Kougami again without her being around to poke fun at him. Moving aside, he indicated for Kougami to come in and asked him if he wanted anything, to which he replied no, thanks. He really needed to get back to his work, so feeling a little awkward, he piped up, “I really need to be doing work too, um, but if you don’t want to sit around and wait by yourself… You could come sit in my room.” It sounded more like a question than a statement. Hurriedly he added, “I mean, don’t feel like you have to…” he trailed off.

“Yeah, sure, don’t let me stop you,” Kougami agreed nonplussed. Ginoza wasn’t sure whether he meant that he would follow him or not.

“My room’s this one,” he decided on, pointing in the general direction of the door. It was vague enough that Kougami could interpret it any way, he settled with himself. As he began to retreat to his room, Kougami followed him, which had been what he’d secretly wanted. Kougami put him at ease somehow, and he could really use some of that right now.

In his room, he settled on his desk chair and spun around to see Kougami flop down on the bed, with his legs dangling off the edge. Swinging back around to face his work on the desk was really only an excuse to hide the small smile dancing across his lips. He set to work again, with Kougami telling him not to let him be a distraction as he looked at his tablet.

After a few minutes of silence, Ginoza heard the bed creak as Kougami must have repositioned himself. It sounded like he had put his tablet down on the bedside table, and then came, “Hey, do you not need your glasses when you’re working?”

Panic rose up in Ginoza as he stopped what he was doing, realising that Kougami was, in fact, right and that he was working without his glasses on, “I… um… sometimes…” he tripped over himself trying to think of an explanation.

“Oh, sorry for distracting you,” Kougami apologised, but it sounded as though he realised he had happened upon a touchy subject and was trying to change his direction.

Ginoza thought for a second, “No it’s okay,” he paused, “I don’t actually need to wear them, I just, well, don’t really like the colour of my eyes… And it kind of draws attention away from them.” Again, this was something that he hadn’t shared with anyone, not even Isui, and if she had noticed it she hadn’t said anything. 

With that, Kougami acknowledged what he said, then stood up and walked towards him, bringing the glasses. He swirled Ginoza’s chair around to face him. Ginoza was rooted to the spot unable to move as Kougami looked at him. He hummed, looking pensive, “I know it’s none of my business, but I think they’re nice.” He handed Ginoza the glasses and sauntered back to the bed. 

He stared at the glasses now in his lap. Fiddling with them, as if to put them on, then giving up because there was no point now. Ginoza felt like he was on fire. But he was unsure whether it was from embarrassment or because Kougami had paid him a compliment so easily, as if it were nothing.

“Um, thanks, I guess,” he mumbled, sounding just as uncertain of himself as he felt. Not that there was any chance of hiding it from Kougami anyway. Briefly, he looked away from his lap and in the direction of Kougami, who had returned to his original position on the bed. And there it was, that one-sided smile Ginoza was becoming accustomed to seeing. He felt himself burning up even further with the indignity of it all.

Sighing, Ginoza turned back to his work, needing to calm himself and process what had just happened. It was then that Isui burst in without knocking. Ginoza was unsure, but she looked a little disappointed. She beckoned to Kougami and apologised to Ginoza for making him babysit. With that, she whisked Kougami away, and Ginoza was left alone with his thoughts. Working was impossible, he couldn’t keep what Kougami said out of his mind, so he decided it was time for bed.

Tired from overthinking, Ginoza was drifting towards sleep. From under his duvet he heard a soft tap on his bedroom door. He was unsure of who it could be. If it had been Isui she would have knocked and immediately entered. He debated for a second, unfurled himself from his soft hideout, and called out, “Yes? Come in.”

The door half-opened smoothly. Kougami peeked around the door, the hallway light glowing through his hair, “Sorry,” he almost whispered, “Before I leave I wanted to ask you if you wanted to do a study date sometime?” He fidgeted with the door handle.

Unable to form words, Ginoza nodded keenly. It was dark, he realised. Kougami couldn’t see him properly. He leaned up on his elbow to show he was awake. Silence fell heavily around them. A pause, and Ginoza echoed his own words from his message, “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on this chapter for months, I thought I'd posted it oops.  
> Also making it to over 10k words is exciting for me because I haven't written something this long in years.  
> Pls lmk if I've missed any typos and what you think of the prose/work in general. Feeling very rusty re: writing.


	6. Chapter 6

On the way to Kougami’s flat Ginoza puzzled over what he was doing. Kougami had called it a study date and he hadn’t quite worked out what that meant. He’d asked Isui who was convinced it was an actual date, an optimist as ever. She seemed positive Kougami was into him, but she didn’t know much about his dating history. _This_ was what was making Ginoza nervous.  He’d swung between excitement and dread. What if he’d completely misread the situation. 

He didn’t know if he was ready as he reached the door. He took a few deep breaths and rang the doorbell. There was a brief pause, enough time to fiddle with his bag strap on the familiar porch.

The door swung open and there Kougami was leaning against the door frame, just like he had during the party all those weeks ago. Ginoza took in the sight of Kougami dressed in dark track pants and a t-shirt.  More casual than he had seen him before. He said nothing.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Kougami quipped, letting a cheeky grin spread itself across his lips. “Come in,” he moved aside and indicated towards the hallway.

Ginoza bobbed his head and entered into the hallway, taking care not to trip, remembering his last time in the hallway. He followed into the living area, where Kougami broke away asking him if he wanted anything. With uncertain words, Ginoza replied that he wouldn’t mind a glass of water, but only if it wouldn’t be an inconvenience.

Balancing his glass of water and holding on to his bag strap, Ginoza waited for Kougami to dictate what they were going to do. He’d never been on a study date, let alone with someone who didn’t take the same subject as him.

“Where do you want to work?” Kougami broke through his thoughts. Seeing that Ginoza was looking around with uncertainty, despite their flats being almost exactly the same, he continued, “If you want we can work at the dining table, if you need desk space?”

Nodding vigorously in reply, Ginoza walked towards the table and dumped his bag down. He wondered if he should ask for a coaster for the glass of water he was still awkwardly holding. Desperately, he searched around for any sign of whether he should use a coaster or not. Luckily, Kougami slid into the chair diagonally opposite, and placed his glass on the table too.

Ginoza quickly began to extract the contents of his bag, making sure it was obvious that he was there to work, rather than for anything else. He didn’t want Kougami to get the wrong idea. Not that the so-called wrong idea was a _bad_ idea, but he didn’t want to be presumptuous. Looking over, he noticed that Kougami didn’t have any of his work there.

“So, how have you been? Haven’t seen you in a while. How is the revision going?” Kougami asked, as he played with his glass of water, glancing over to Ginoza.

“Not too bad...” He paused to consider. “But I’d rather it was over. There’s only so much of the same stuff you can stare at.”

Kougami hummed in response, as if he didn’t agree. His chair scraped across the floor as he excused himself to go get whatever he was working on. While he was gone, Ginoza took the opportunity to look around the flat from his seat. He was interested to see if there was anything patently different about the two. It turned out that Kougami’s flat was impeccably tidy, unlike his own. He supposed that it was possible that there were some tidy students out there. As he heard Kougami returning, he dipped his head back to his work to give the illusion that that’s what he’d been doing all along.

They continued to work in silence for some time, but eventually Kougami began to huff. Ginoza slid his glance across, making sure not to move his head away from his work. There was Kougami, head resting on his hand, gazing at the wall somewhere far away. While he was unaware, Ginoza took time taking in as much of Kougami as he could. He enjoyed watching him idle, something he’d never seen before. He always seemed switched on, intent on capturing everything around him. Looking back towards his work, Ginoza shook his head, attempting to keep his feelings at bay. This reawakened Kougami from his daydreaming.

“Hey, I’m pretty sick of studying,” he paused, unusually hesitant. “Do you want to do something else?” His attention now fully focused. Ginoza could feel the panic beginning to rise in him. What should he say? What did Kougami mean? Was this a date after all? 

“Um…” was all he managed.

“No pressure,” Kougami started. “What was it? There’s only so much of the same stuff you can stare at. I thought maybe we could watch something? Or you can do more studying… I mean, you can even go home. It’s up to you.” He finished, as he reached up to rub the back of his neck, looking a little less nonchalant than usual. It was reassuring knowing that he wasn’t as collected as Ginoza thought he was at first. 

Deciding to take matters into his own hands, Ginoza cast his mind back to the time in the coffee shop, “What about that documentary, um” – he struggled, becoming less confident – “what was it? _Blue World_?" 

Kougami’s eyes lit up when he recognised what Ginoza was getting at, surprised that he had remembered, “ _Blue Planet_? The really old one?” He was filled with almost childlike excitement, Ginoza noticed. Different to the coffee shop, when he had basked in him being able to share his enthusiasm with someone else. This time it was more tentative, as though he were a child allowing someone else into his secret den, seen before by no one.

He stood up, collecting his work, and Ginoza followed his movements. In his excitement, perhaps relief that this wasn’t a disaster, he had neglected to tell his guest what was going on. Ginoza continued to blindly follow along, wondering how they would even watch such an old series.

While he had been thinking, Kougami had already finished packing and wandered off to his room. He began to feel panic begin to rise in his throat. What was he meant to do?

“Gino,” Kougami called his nickname, “We should probably watch it in my room, in case people are still studying, is that okay?” Ginoza nodded once again, ensuring that it wasn’t as vigorous as the previous time. He was excited to see which of the rooms was his.

He followed him back towards the front door and down the short hallway, the same route he had taken on the night of the party just before he had unceremoniously vomited in his hair. It turned out that the doorframe Kougami had been leaning on that night was to his room. 

The room itself had the same shabby student accommodation décor as the rooms in Ginoza’s own apartment. However, Kougami must have moved the furniture around so the bed replaced the desk in its standard place under the window. The small bookshelves were laden with books in a multitude of languages and genres. Next to the desk on the floor were weights. There wasn’t a great deal of stuff in the room, but what there was existed as a testament to Kougami as a whole. Despite no meticulous ordering, it was tidy. It also smelled faintly of cigarette smoke. Ginoza wondered whether Kougami smoked in his room since the rest of the apartment didn’t smell of smoke.

Soon Kougami answered his question by asking if he minded him smoking while they watched the documentary, which he had set up to project on to the wall above the desk. 

“As long as you open the window,” Ginoza answered, making eye contact with him over his glasses in mock disappointment. Kougami obligingly opened the window, allowing the cool evening breeze to roll in. The sensation made Ginoza shudder and regret his decision a little. However, he didn’t want to be trapped in a room full of smoke with his eyes watering, since he was trying to make a good impression on Kougami.

Trying to mask his chill, Ginoza watched Kougami rifle around in his personal belongings, searching for a lighter he assumed. Although he didn’t notice Kougami looking in his direction, he heard him quip, “Sorry it’s cold, there is a spare blanket somewhere, probably the top shelf of the wardrobe.” He continued to look for a lighter nonplussed.

When he had found one he climbed on to the bed, lit a cigarette and leant out towards to darkening sky. Staring out, he said, “Yeah, the top shelf of the wardrobe, if you want to grab it.” He took a second, deep drag on his cigarette, “I’ll start the show in a minute.”

After a moment of hesitation, Ginoza decided he did want the blanket after all. He put his bag down by the weights on the floor and moved slowly towards the wardrobe. It was exactly the same as his own and he was sure that he could find the blanket easily enough. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Kougami watching him quietly, but not intently. He made a point not to look at anything else in the wardrobe out of a sense of respect for Kougami’s privacy. Even though he was the one who told him to get the blanket out.

With the blanket retrieved without any disasters Ginoza silently thanked whatever power was helping him out. When he turned around to make his way to the bed, Kougami was no longer looking at him, but had returned his focus elsewhere. 

“Shall I start it?” Kougami said, visibly pulling himself back to the current situation. Ginoza wondered what he had been thinking about, nodding in assent. He wrapped himself up tightly in the fuzzy blanket. He buried himself into it, gently inhaling. It smelt like Kougami. It smelt like _the fabric softener_. His eyes widened at the realisation. The bubble burst as soon as it had sprung up.

The projection burst into life, switching between different shots of the ocean and all its inhabitants. Ginoza adjusted the blanket around himself and settled down as the weirdly soothing voice began to narrate. He briefly peaked over at Kougami who was taking the last drag on his cigarette. He went to stub it out, paused for a second, took one final drag and then leant almost fully out of the window. He hauled himself back in. Once he had turned off the main light, he began to settle himself at the top end of the bed. He had hugged a pillow to himself, probably to keep the cool at bay, and drawn his knees up to his chest.

The projection lit up his face, peaking over the top of the pillow. Although he was concentrating on the show, his features lacked the deep scrutiny which usually came with his concentration. Ginoza didn’t know how many others were lucky enough to see this less intense version of Kougami. He couldn’t help himself from stealing glances every now and then to make sure that it wasn’t just a trick of the light. But it was there each time he checked.

They sat in silence until midway through the episode, when Kougami’s attention seemed to shift. He didn’t say anything for a while, but it was clear that his concentration had altered towards its usual intensity. Finally, he found his words, “Hey, Gino” – he used the nickname again – “when did you know you wanted to join the MWPSB?” Of all things, Ginoza had not expected this.

“It was towards the end of school, but I can’t remember exactly when,” there was no point in holding back the information. There was nothing to hide really, but he was usually resistant to giving out too much of his personal information. He didn’t like people to know all about his father, especially since he was studying law. 

“How come you wanted to do it?” There it was. There was the question he most dreaded when it came to his life choices. It didn’t feel right to tell people that he wanted to become an Inspector at the MWPSB. The fact was that his father was there, a living testament of his failures as both an inspector and a father, would be enough to put most people off. He wanted to do it because, to him, it seemed like the right thing to do. But it was difficult to explain that to people. 

A heavy silence weighed upon them for a moment, before Kougami filled the gap, “Sorry, that was insensitive of me. It’s an uncertain time for everyone. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to ask about your life plan… As if I have any semblance of a plan.” He paused and Ginoza didn’t know what to say. “Sorry,” he concluded, glancing over with a look of guilt.

It then struck Ginoza how much was going on inside of Kougami’s head. He thought he hadn’t let anything of his true feelings towards the conversation topic slip out. He had spent years perfecting a poker face, which no one had seen through until now. Yet, Kougami could see through him so easily. His powers of perception were so acute that it was a little scary. It figured since he was studying psychology at one of the top institutions there was. What didn’t make sense was that he seemed unsure of what he was going to do. Even though he could figure others out without issue, he couldn’t figure himself out.

With a sharp breath, Ginoza steeled himself and prepared to explain. Kougami knew about his father because he had told him on the doorstep during the party. He began, “I just want to make a difference, do what’s right, you know” – he stopped to gain control over his breathing – “I know that being around criminals and latent criminals can mess with peoples’ Psycho-Passes in the long term. And if I could do something to be a part of preventing that and the effect crime has on bystanders, I’d be happy.” He finished and could feel himself shaking. He knew he was being melodramatic, but he wasn’t used to sharing anything like this to anyone. Let alone someone he had met relatively recently.

“That’s really admirable,” was all Kougami said. From over the pillow he was looking at Ginoza with tenderness in his grey eyes. No one had ever said anything like that to him before. It compelled him to go on. 

“I think a lot about my Psycho-Pass and how it used to cloud a lot. But I think I can keep it in good shape, even if I’m around negative stuff, as long as I know that I’m doing something positive for others.” This was the most he’d opened up since his father had been demoted to Enforcer rank, but it felt right. 

“I don’t know what I want to do,” Kougami sighed, slumping further down the wall. “I guess I’ll just wait to see where wants me… But I would like to do something to help other people.” He was referring to the placement tests at the end of the year, which were more terrifying than finals themselves. How a person scored in those tests could determine the rest of their life, and you couldn’t study for it. 

“You’re perceptive, a good listener, and, from what I’ve seen when you’re with Isui, the way you can work through things alongside others is just… something else,” Ginoza couldn’t stop his admiration coming through. “Anyone would be lucky to have you.” He finished and felt heat rising in his cheeks, glad for the darkness of the night which was now all around them. He was worried how he was coming off. Since Kougami hadn’t made it clear if, in fact, this was a _date_ date after all. He didn’t want to get his hopes up.

They sat in silence looking at one another, the forgotten episode ended while they were talking. From his blanket burrito Ginoza took in the sight of Kougami. Lit up by the mix of the cool moonlight and the ageing yellow street light pouring through the window, he was almost radiant. Not a word Ginoza would usually have associated with his tousled hair and sarcastic attitude, but it worked in that moment. From behind his own grown-out, messy hair and useless glasses he felt like he just couldn’t compare. His heart sank. There was nothing he could add to Kougami’s life by being there.

Upset, he decided it was time to leave. With a yawn, he rubbed his eyes as an excuse to break away from the moment, and muttered without looking back up, “I guess I should get going now…”

“It’s late, you’re right,” Ginoza gave in to himself and glanced in the direction of the voice. Kougami looked somewhat gloomy. “I’ll walk you home,” he continued with a small smile. Reassured, he unfurled himself and collected his things to leave.

The walk home was quiet, Kougami smoking and Ginoza silently brooding. He watched as the smoke swirled up into the cool, breezeless night. When his building was in sight he felt his heart drop again. He didn’t want to be left alone. He didn’t want Kougami to leave, but he also didn’t want him to think that he was a clingy ass.

Kougami hung back a little as Ginoza went to unlock his front door. With it unlocked, he turned around, “Tha–”

“I–” Kougami spoke at the same time as him, hand to the back of his neck. He was looking up at Ginoza, since the porch was slightly raised. It made him look less than his usual cool demeanour. He indicated for Ginoza to carry on.

“Thanks for walking me home and giving me an opportunity to leave the house,” he said and then cursed himself for making it sound as though he had used Kougami as a means to study elsewhere.

Kougami let slip indulgent smirk, “No worries,” he paused for a second and cleared his throat. “Um, when exams and tests and stuff are over… Would you want to… Maybe do something together?” He looked sheepishly up at Ginoza who was still holding the door open. 

Ginoza wasn’t sure what to say, but he knew that for every second that went by he was being unduly cruel to Kougami. He pulled himself together and asked, “Are you asking me on a date? Not a study date, an actual _date_ date?”

“Yeah…” Kougami stopped for a moment, as if confirming it fully with himself, “ _Date_ date.” He exhaled as though he had been holding his breath all evening and smiled his half-smirk. “Anyway, I should be getting back. Night, Gino. Speak to you soon.” With that he began to saunter away into the night, lighting up another cigarette as he went.

“Goodnight. Let me know when you get home!” he called after him, receiving a thumbs up as confirmation before slipping into the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey pals, I'm back and with longer chapter than usual (wow)  
> Will I ever stop mentioning fabric softener?? Heck nah  
> Did d attenboi's soothing voice nearly send me to sleep while preparing for this chapter?? You bet it did
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy and hmu for typos and bad prose


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